Progress, or Busy Days

This past week I have done a few things that I am quite proud of, as to me they represent my ever increasing ability to live "normally" again.

In the past I used to plan out meals and get my major shopping done every two weeks. It kept me from having to run to the grocery store constantly and from having to think about what to make for dinner. This system began to lose steam after the diagnostic ultrasound, and it completely fell apart after Leah's birth. For quite some time we had meals provided for us by our wonderful friends, and when my mom was here she also helped stock up the freezer with good things from Costco. Since finishing off all of that I have been attempting to cook a little more, but we have mostly been living on things that I "cook" by removing the wrapper and sticking in the oven. I was making maybe one legitimately cooked meal a week, with leftovers for another meal or two. Eating frozen food has been getting old, and a little repulsive. Thus, this week I sat down and planned two weeks of dinners. I went shopping on Friday, and on Saturday I had a marathon. I made cornbread for my church's chili cook-off, pound cake with chocolate cream-cheese frosting and strawberries for the Superbowl party I attended, spinach and cheese enchiladas (some for the freezer and some for the fridge), and sloppy joe mix to put in the freezer. Last night I made a BBQ chicken sandwich mix. Now I will only have to cook two nights in the next two weeks, once for our small group potluck and once to make breaded pork chops, which are easy but can't be done ahead. Now I can still make dinner by pulling things out of the fridge/freezer and heating them up, but everything is much healthier and cheaper.

I began my cooking rampage because I decided to take dinner to a family I know from church who recently adopted a baby boy, and I ended up making so much food that I also dropped some enchiladas off with some friends who are in the middle of trying to sell their house for a big move. I am getting better at thinking about people other than myself and having the energy to do nice things for other people. This isn't the first time I have done anything for anyone, but I haven't had the energy or desire to be very helpful lately. It can be so hard just to keep myself operating that it is extremely difficult to also try to anticipate and meet the needs of others. I think that I will probably regress quite a bit as Leah's birthday approaches, but I am excited about this accomplishment for now.

This weekend I also attended not one, but two, parties where a baby was present. Jeff and I have been in full baby-avoidance mode for sometime now. It just made things easier. It still makes things easier. But I survived. I even dressed up because one of the parties had a theme, a huge feat because I prefer jeans in any situation. I wore a dress I bought in college, when I used to dress up for parties all the time. Had to mention that because still fitting into a dress I bought in college is awesome.

Last but not least, I helped run my church's chili cook-off on Sunday. It went more smoothly than any other year, and had the highest participation yet. I take credit for none of this, as I barely did anything this year besides the shopping and ordering people around in the morning, but it was great to see it happen. Although I was in the kitchen for most of it, I hear that a good time was had by all.

This upcoming week is going to be much quieter, which is great because I am exhausted. I will probably completely crash on Wednesday or Thursday, because I can't sustain such a high energy level for so long. Good thing I stockpiled so much food. I think that the thing that makes me most proud about this weekend is that I was able to grieve in between all the activity. In the past few months I have generally used activity to avoid my feelings, but on Sunday between church/chili and the Superbowl I had lots of time to cry and be sad about the day.