It's a Boy, Part 2!

October 9, 2008.

The day we waited for, prepared for, longed for. On that day we expected to welcome our firstborn into the world. For five months we anticipated this day, until that appointment when we found out that she would never make it to her due date. Which, by the way, according to our specialist was October 8^th. 8^th, 9^th, it made no difference. On both those days in 2008 we had empty arms and broken hearts.

October 8, 2010.

We got the letter from USCIS letting us know that our visa approval was being forwarded to our country. Good news, but not a big milestone. I scanned it and emailed it to the woman who is guiding our case.

The day was a hard one. Easier than last year and the year before, but still hard. I felt pretty draggy and down, and was really wondering if we were making the right choice about our adoption, if we were somehow misreading events, and so on. I sent up quite a few complaining, "are you sure you know what you're doing?" type-prayers, if you know what I mean. So, while T napped I dragged out my bible study and after finishing it read a few Psalms, praying for God to grant me peace and assurance. I came across these verses:

"But you do see! Indeed you note trouble and grief, that you may take it into your hands; the helpless commit themselves to you; you have been the helper of the orphan." "Oh Lord, you will hear the desire of the meek; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear to do justice for the orphan and the oppressed, so that those from earth may strike terror no more."

I thought, there it is, my peace, my assurance. I decided to stop complaining and move on with my day, confident that God knew what he was doing, even if I did not.

That evening, as we were about to tuck Tommy into bed we got a phone call from our caseworker. I thought that was odd. Usually when I email her a document she emails back to let me know she got it; she doesn't call. I thought it was even stranger when she asked us to put her on speaker.

She wanted to tell us about a little boy. That day she had received his adoption release. All of the families in front of us turned him down because they wanted to wait for girls. We were floored. Shocked. Completely caught off guard. We weren't expecting any news like this until at least the end of October...but thought we would be waiting until December.

She told us to think it over and call her the next day with our answer. October 9^th.

As you can imagine, we said yes. Wouldn't you?

I continued to be amazed at how good God was to answer my prayer for peace immediately through scripture, and then how he moved in a huge and awesome way to not only reassure us, but to take a day of hardship and turn it into one of happiness. I thought immediately of this: I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow...Jeremiah 31:13b. That is what God has so masterfully done for us. Taken two days that were days on which we thought we would receive the blessing of a child, Leah, but instead faced grief and sorrow, and once again made them days of rejoicing. His timing was perfect.

As for our boy, I have to be very careful with my details- the curse of leaving the blog public. He is young, and the spacing between him and Tommy falls within my "perfect" range of 18 months to 2 1/2 years. He has no known health issues (I say known because they only test for HIV). He is in an orphanage, and he has been cleared for adoption.

If you would like to join us in praying for him and this ongoing process we will be creating prayer cards. Each will have his cute little face and one (or two closely related) specific prayer requests on them. Each card will have a different request. All we ask is that you take a minute each day to pray for the one thing on your card. I will also be posting specific requests and updates as the case progresses for those of you who want the whole laundry lists. If you would like a card, please email or FB message me your address, or if you live close to my parents you can pick one up from them.

In the meantime, please pray for the little guy's health and safety (our code word for him is mtoto- pronounced mu-toto- which means young child in Swahili), and that we would be able to get a court date soon. For me: if you followed our last adoption you know we lost a referral when it turned out that the first boy we were matched with was not available to be adopted. Although we are clearly thrilled with the way things turned out (Tommy rocks!), I have a lingering fear that it will happen again. Even though this time our referral has already been cleared for adoption (orphan investigation complete), I have a worry that the orphanage will change their mind, or something. We've already had a little scare on this issue...hence the delay in relaying the news. I know it is silly, but, it is where I am struggling right now.

The Long and Winding Road

I started this post at the end of May...but it needed to marinate for a while, I guess. I have rewritten the end of it as each milestone passed...homestudy, fingerprints, visa, and so on. Anyhow, here it is...

About a week after we came home with Tommy I began planning our next adoption. We would go back to Uganda, of course, adopt from Tommy's babies home, and live happily every after. I started scheming along these lines- mentioning it to Jeff, keeping track of events in Uganda, starting a new pile of "things to take to Uganda," and so on. In January, after Jeff finished his dissertation and started his "real" job, we got in contact with our lawyer. He was busy, but said he could fit us in. We were thrilled. We announced we were starting the process. Then things shut down. Our lawyer had things come up, and had to back out of representing us. We made contact with another lawyer, and received more discouraging news. We had already updated our home study, so we started researching other options just in case. Home studies have expirations dates, and, having just invested $1,500, we needed a back-up plan. We looked into Rwanda. We even found an agency that used Tommy's African name as their name. The week we had a phone interview with them Uganda had some very positive movement, so I called off the call. I didn't want to waste their time. Then visas in Uganda didn't start again, and we started looking again at another country (Rwanda seemed on the verge of signing Hague/shutting down, and they have now done so).

I went to google. I typed in that country, and "blogspot," and came across the blog of a family who had recently adopted from that country. I scrolled down and looked into a beautiful pair of brown eyes that looked very familiar. Exactly like Tommy's. Tommy and this boy wouldn't pass for twins, and maybe not siblings, but defintly cousins. I was so struck by their resemblance that I emailed the woman and asked her how she went about her adoption. She emailed back with a glowing review of a group that facilitates adoptions in that country and promised to put me in touch with someone who could tell me more. I spoke with this other woman extensively, and was touched by the ethics and vision of this organization. It was exactly what I wish existed in Uganda. We decided to apply as we waited for Uganda to open. So, on the 13th of April I mailed in our application. I had not intended to work on the application that week. I told the woman who was assisting me that I would do it the week after because Tommy's party was that week, my parents were coming, and I had so much to do. But that checklist was calling my name, and somehow Jeff and I got it done. I still cannot say what motivated me to change my mind and power through that paperwork, the paperwork I didn't intend to look at until the end of April, I just did it. On the 15th of April this organization stopped accepting new applications, because they had too much interest. Ours, however, was "in" for consideration.

So, we waited. We waited to see what was going on in Uganda. We waited to hear if we would be accepted by this other organization to go to this other country. While we waited we prayed. We prayed for patience, and we prayed for direction and clarity.

Honestly, I was intrigued and impressed by this organization, but my heart was in Uganda. I love Uganda. It is the most beautiful place on earth. I can't wait to go back. I can't wait to show it off to Tommy. I long for the day when we can touch down and he can look out the window and read "Welcome to the Pearl of Africa." I cried when I first read that sign, and I will cry again when I return. Oh, how I long to go back. My heart aches for it. For the soft sunlight filtering through the banana leaves, for the red dusty dirt that contrasts so beautifully against the blue sky, for the cool breeze off Lake Victoria bringing a slight relief from the heat, for the warm and loving people that we know there, who we can't wait to see again. But I'm not going back. Not now. Not this time. It breaks my heart, but, unless something drastic changes, we don't think Uganda is where God is leading us.

I think the crack in my determination really started at the zoo. Bear with me. We were walking through the exhibits trying to find some animal or another. I was distracted- probably trying to save Tommy from the attack of the crazy Canadian geese, or trying to keep him from climbing in one of those cool double wagons that people pull all over the zoo, but that is not the point. I was distracted. Then, I was overwhelmed. I felt a twinge in my chest, you know what I mean, the kind when something is heavy upon your heart, and I felt so compelled to respond with a prayer for our adoption. I said the first thing that came to my mind, "God, show us where to go." My eyes had been cast downward, but as soon as I finished praying I looked up. Right in front of me was a huge map of Africa. It was tan, and had all of the countries of Africa outlined in black. Except one country. That country was a big, green splotch on the map. It was the "other" country. The name of that country was also on top of the map, and apparently it was the featured country of that exhibit.

My immediate reaction: Oh, that sign is always there. It has always been there. What a coincidence.

So, I pushed it aside, but I kept coming back to it. I began to wonder if maybe I shouldn't dismiss it. It wasn't as thought I had been running around the zoo praying about our adoption. It was kind of odd that I felt so convicted to pray in the exact spot where I would look up and see this sign. So, we kept praying, and waiting.

Then a friend, who had no idea that we were looking anywhere other than Uganda, suggested that I stop looking into Uganda and look into this other country or one other country. I wondered if she was right. A few weeks later I was griping to another friend (via email) about my uncertainty over which country we should go to. I wrote "I really wish God would just give me a map." As soon as I wrote those words the image of the zoo map flashed in my mind. I began to wonder how many maps I needed.

But, we still fought it. Uganda started looking even better. Things began to really happen towards opening back up. We still hadn't heard back from this other program. It felt like it was all dragging on forever, this unending indecision limbo. Every week we would ask our bible studies/small group to pray about the adoption and our decision. Every week we still didn't heard back from the program, and Uganda stayed shut. The true miracle in all this is that Jeff and I were both waiting patiently. We weren't stressed about it. We weren't consumed by it. If you knew us during T's adoption you know that is a huge change.

Then we heard back from the program, the delay in responding to us was the result of a miscomunication. We were almost in, but we needed to do an interview. The next day, we heard that visas were going to be issued in Uganda the next week.

We had hoped that we would be forced into one country or the other. Perhaps this program wouldn't accept us, then we would go to Uganda. Perhaps Uganda wouldn't be open, so we would go to this other program without feeling like we were disrespecting Tommy's heritage and abandoning all of our wonderful, amazing, supportive (I could go on and on) Uganda adoption friends, not to mention our dreams/plans to return to Uganda.

So, we had some things to weigh out. First, was the miscommunication with the other program the chance for us to see Uganda open and pursue our plan to adopt there? We decided to look into "our plan for Uganda" and see how it played out. We prayed for clarity (again) and made a phone call. It went differently than we had hoped. Long story short, some things that we had been told would be true, and that we needed to be true in order for us to adopt on our current home study, had changed. If we were to go back to Uganda, we would be starting from scratch. We considered doing that, but we had no peace. None. It felt all wrong.

Every time we discussed this other program, we had peace. No panic. No feelings of extreme mistrust. It was nice.

We decided to move forward with the interview. We have been praying that if this was the wrong move that God would slam this door shut, have them reject us (and, of course, provide a way in Uganda). But the interview went amazingly well. We got the green light, and we have decided to go.

The insane thing is that this country is less stable than Uganda. It has generally more pro-adoption laws, but, as everyone knows that could change at anytime. It is certainly less safe and less politically stable. I felt a bit crazy even considering it, especially when Uganda is opening up again. For our dear friends who read this blog who are adopting from Uganda, please know that this is not a no-confidence vote in Uganda. We are choosing a potentially much rockier road. As I write this, I am wondering why. It isn't what I started out wanting. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to the bumps along the road. Some days I question whether this adoption will even go through. But, I have peace. Jeff has peace. Each time we contemplate taking a different course (as in running back to Uganda as fast as our legs will carry us) we know it is not the right decision. We may not understand why we are where we are right now, but the one thing we believe is that we are where we should be no matter what the outcome or how foolish or crazy it seems to us.

We have already hit a number of annoying delays on the Illinois side of things. Fingerprints that expired a two days before our homestudy was ready to send (and because we started so much earlier went unnoticed by our social worker), then a problem with the fingerprints we sent despite them passing a previous round, then a very long hold up at the state approval level. The one bright spot was that our visa approval was not delayed, and came even earlier than we expected. That was a huge blessing, because it removed the biggest point of paperwork anxiety that I had.

Now we wait for our referral. Best case scenario is a one month wait, but more likely we will wait up to three months. From there it is a very long process, probably four to six months. I am not looking forward to that second wait.

You may have noticed that I have not mentioned the name of this other country. My choice was to talk about the country and take this blog entirely private, or, not mention the name of the country at all. I am choosing to keep the blog public but not mention the country we are traveling to. It isn't a secret generally though, so if I see you in person (or on FB) and you are curious I would be happy to tell.

We covet your prayers for continued patience, for ongoing discernment about decisions that need to be made, and most of all, for the child that will be joining our family. They likely are living in very difficult conditions, circumstances that make Tommy's orphanage stay look like easy street. Knowing this is a very hard thing to bear.

Blurred Vision, Hand Cramps and Paper Cuts: It's Evening Sickness

Well, we are paper-pregnant. Evening sickness is officially setting in, caused by numerous paper-cuts and hand cramps from filling out mounds of paperwork. Our social worker is coming next week to update our home study. We will be adopting from...drum roll please...unknown.

Adoption is a crazy roller coaster, and as we climb back into the little seats and strap down our belts we have absolutely no idea where this ride is taking us. We hope that Uganda will be an option, but since it remains unclear whether or not it will be we are seriously researching Rwanda and trying to stay open to other possibilities.

One might wonder why we didn't wait until we had our country all figured out before we started, and one might also wonder if we are a bit insane. We are not, I think.

The ball got rolling when we found out that we need to either renew our home study this month or close our foster license. For some reason I cannot abide the thought of closing our license, also, with Jeff's job and the length of time it takes to adopt this is good timing for us to get started.

Please pray for us this week. We are trying to be sensitive to God's guidance on this. Our hearts have been in Uganda since the day we landed in Entebbe. I had a very clear picture of what this adoption would look like: Uganda, Ibanda Babies Home, and a baby from the same area as Tommy. I wanted to make sure Tommy had a sibling from his people group who shared his culture. But God has been teaching me that He did not draw the borders of Africa, and that He does not see distinctions among His children, and that I need to be flexible to adopt the child that He is preparing for me no matter where they are from or what they look like or what kind of food they eat or how many new holidays our family needs to incorporate. I'm not sure if that is just a little lesson I needed to learn, or if it was preparation for doing something new.

Honestly, I'm having trouble letting go. I had a plan. I was going to go back to Uganda for Klug child number 3, and I am a bit irritated that it may not happen. I'm not sure how long it will be until I learn that my plans are not always God's plans and that I need to be flexible, and I am still super hung up on having to learn new food. Seriously, Africans don't measure- learning how to cook like them is hard! And American plantains just aren't the same as matoke. They don't feel right when I cut them. But I digress.

We are adopting again. We have no idea where. Let the fun begin. And pass me the band-aids, please, I've got a nasty paper cut.

The Situation in Uganda

I have not been blogging about this, because, quite frankly, there is so much information out there that it has been difficult to sort through all of the reports, and I would rather post no information than misinformation, but I think I have it sorted out.

The situation, briefly, is this: It is not legal for non-citizens to adopt in Uganda unless they are willing to live in country with the child for three years. Families like us were able to avoid this because Judges have the ability to waive this requirement and award legal guardianship if they deem it in the best interest of the child. Then, with the Judge's permission, parents (now the legal guardians) got visas to the US, where they went through an official adoption process.

Apparently, there is some discomfort about the process working this way among Ugandan officials. Increasing numbers of families attempting to gain legal guardianships means more attention to the process. In the last few weeks officials have been openly questioning it.

A family applied for a visa this week and was denied by the embassy because the ruling (the permission for legal guardianship) contained wording that indicated the child in question was not free to be adopted in the US. The embassy met with officials and discussed the legal guardianship process with them. They discussed the wording of ruling, and what the US has to see in the rulings in order to allow a child home on an IR-4 visa. Whether or not these changes can be made is under discussion. Those who support the continuation of this system are hard at work.

With God all things are possible. There is still hope for the American and Ugandan governments to find resolution on these issues, or for Ugandan laws to be clarified or changed in a way that allows more orphaned children to come to loving homes in the US (and elsewhere). At this point, all we can do is pray.

Jeff and I want Tommy to have Ugandan siblings. We love Uganda. We hoped we would return. Also, a little boy from Tommy's babies home has just been put in the custody of American parents, and these developments threaten their ability to bring him home. Thus, we feel very invested in all this, and it has been an emotionally turbulent week.

Everyone knows adoption is high-risk. International adoption frequently has stops and starts, and often those stops turn into complete shut downs. We knew when we began in Uganda that because guardianship worked the way it did that it was inherently more risky than building our family through a country that has pro-(international) adoption laws. But we fell in love with the country, the people, and especially, a little boy. Our boy. This news breaks our hearts.

The next few weeks will be critical for the children in need of families, the families waiting in Uganda for resolution, and for all those waiting in the US. Please pray for a speedy and positive resolution.

If you would like more information on the situation in Uganda, Lifeline Children's Services has posted a detailed statement from the Vice Consul at the the US Embassy in Kampala.

3 for 6

Tommy loves his Auntie Emily.

My Sister Emily is heading to Uganda as I type this. She and her friend Alexis will spend a few weeks there doing research for a paper on Ugandan adoption. They will be interviewing lawyers, visiting both pro- and anti-adoption orphanages, and hopefully meeting with some government officials.

Emily and Alexis began planning this trip a few months back. Alexis had been taking classes taught by Elizabeth Bartholet, and wanted to do a research paper on international adoption under her direction. She asked Emily if she would be interested in doing something like that, and Emily suggested that they go to Uganda.

After weeks of planning, they are off! Please join me in praying for their safety, and that their work will benefit the many orphans of Uganda.

In Evanston during Emily's August visit

For my part, I love that God has called Emily to Uganda. I never could have imagined the impact that spending time in Uganda has had on me and Jeff, how it has altered our view of the world and our sense of mission. I hope that her time there will be equally fruitful, and I am so proud of her for taking the risk.

Once Emily lands in Entebbe, three of my six immediate family members will have visited Uganda (Me, Mom, and Em). Three more to go!

Tommy is wearing his Christmas present today in honor of his Auntie.

The One in Our Arms

In Uganda we had the honor of meeting and spending a great deal of time with Sister Christine, who runs the orphanage in which Tommy spent the first part of his life. During this time we were able to ask as many questions as we wanted about Tommy's life and habits.

There were plenty of things that we wanted to know that she couldn't answer, because no one keeps track of milestones, first words, or favorites in over-crowded babies homes. However, she was able to tell us about picking Tommy for us.

This is the story as she told it to us:

One day, Isaac called and said, "Sister, please, can you give me a baby." And I responded, "Yes, you can have the one in my arms."

Tommy.


We came to find out that Tommy being in Sister's arms at the time Isaac called was probably no coincidence. It seemed to us that he lived in her arms. When we visited Ibanda the other sisters confirmed our suspicions. Sister Christine may have spoiled him more than a little. Later she told us that she was anxious to get Tommy out of the babies home and to the United States because she loved him and wanted him to have a future. She wanted him to have a support system for the rest of his life, in her words, "someone to have his back."

While the very best orphanages can provide excellent medical care, adequate food, high caregiver to child ratios, and good educations, at some point the children have to leave, and they rarely have formed strong enough bonds with others who can support them if something goes wrong. If they lose a job, get sick, or face a financial setback they have no one to turn to, unless they are able to get married and join a family in that way. Since so few children from the babies home get adopted, Sister has a great burden of picking who will go to families, and who will stay, likely for the rest of their lives, in institutional care. She chooses who will have families to remember their birthday, celebrate the holidays with, and support them in good times and bad, and who will not. I do not envy her burden.

Sister chose Tommy for us because she loved him, but in making that choice, she also had to let him go. I know that it was not easy for her. She knew when she took her vows as a nun that she would never bear children. She knew when she took over the orphanage that she would watch children come in and go out, grow up and move on. I wonder if she knew how that would feel, to love and let go over and over again. I wonder if any of the sisters knew. They have chosen a painful path of raising children for only a brief period of their lives. Knowing that, the wise thing to do would be to hold back. Instead, they love their kids in a self-sacrificing way.

While we were in Uganda I struggled a great deal with Sister's desire to spend time with Tommy. It confused him to go back and forth between us. At one point while we were in Uganda I blogged asking for prayer about a situation that made me uncomfortable. The issue was that Sister wanted to come see Tommy one last time before we left, and I was nervous about what it would do to him. The time we had seen her just before that, Tommy spent days following the visit acting out and grinding his teeth. The look on his face broke our hearts. Having her and then watching her go produced a great deal of anxiety in him. In the end, we did not have a choice. I couldn't say no to Sister. If she wanted to see the boy she lavished so much love and attention on, then worked so hard to give to us, I could not stand in her way.

I had a difficult time during the visit. In retrospect, I am so thankful that Sister came by. For one, that visit marked the first time that Tommy ever chose spending time with me over spending time with Sister. All of us were able to witness the beginning of his transition from her to us. I think it comforted her to see that he loved us, and I know it comforted me. I am thankful that Tommy spent so much time in Sister's arms. If not for that, he might not have had much interest in spending so much time in mine.

Descisions, Descisions

The other day I was watching the "Orphan Sunday" broadcast (about a month late). One of the interviews featured a couple describing their adoption of a little girl, and the woman mentioned how she knew the girl was their daughter the second she saw her picture, because of overwhelming feelings, etc, etc. I believe her. I know people who have seen significance in the dates of their children's births, or orphanage arrivals, or what-have-you, seeming signs that assured them that they were accepting the right referral. These situations make for compelling stories. Compelling stories are the most often repeated. It seems to me that this desire to tell good stories perhaps leaves out the couples who don't have extraordinary experiences regarding their referral. People like us. I also realized that I never did write much about that part of the adoption. So, I have decided to write a bit more about our decision process in accepting Tommy's referral.

As many of you know, towards the end of our adoption process (which we didn't know was the end, of course) we were having some issues with our agency, and I had asked for prayer regarding my desire to act in a Christian manner towards them and to offer forgiveness for some wrongs done to us so we could reconcile and move forward. One of the results of that reconciliation was us getting our desires for the process-specifically our need to travel quickly- placed before the person who had the ability to make this happen. He got on the phone with Isaac right away, and told us that if we were willing to accept a child slightly outside of our requested age range (which was six to twelve months) that we could have a referral within a week or two. This occurred on June 9^th. We knew by the beginning of the next week that they did indeed have a baby for us, but we asked not to hear anything until they had the birth certificate, HIV testing, and photos in hand, as well as a reasonable assurance from Isaac that he would be able to secure a court date for us prior to the summer recess. On June 19^th we got the call saying that everything was in order. I was on Lakeshore drive at the time, and illegally answered my cell phone because I knew it was Claire, our social worker, and was hoping for the news. She told me Tommy's name (Anthony), age, a little background, and that she was sending me a picture. I was dying to get home to see everything. Jeff was at Argonne working a beamtime (round the clock shifts at the Advanced Photon Source for 6 days), so I knew I would be seeing our baby for the first time without him. That was disappointing.

I got home and rushed to the computer, called Jeff, and we downloaded the photo together. I admit, I was hoping for fireworks. Instead, I thought "he's cute." I looked through the records hoping for a connection that would make our decision obvious. Nothing. Well, not nothing exactly. Anthony/Tommy was born on my Aunt's birthday which also happens to be tax day. But that didn't really do the deciding for us, if you know what I mean.

Our referral photo(s) as we received them

Choosing your child is a weird. On the one hand, part of you just wants to say, "give me whatever you've got." On the other hand, you worry about scheming nuns trying to send you the bully child that makes all the other children's lives miserable (yes, that was my fear. He had a belly and I worried that he was beating kids up to steal their food). With our program (and typically in Uganda), we had almost no medical information, so there was no sense in getting an outside evaluation. I blew up the picture and checked for signs of FAS, but that was the extent of our medical evaluation. We were able to have Isaac ask a few general questions about Tommy's health to supplement the HIV test, but the information the orphanage passed on was vague, and, from what I know now, not entirely correct, although I attribute this more to poor record keeping than dishonesty.

Isaac was confident he could get us a court date before the High Court summer recess if he could try to schedule one first thing Monday morning, which gave us until Sunday night to decide.

We really wanted to go to Uganda before summer recess, and this was our opportunity. Anthony was cute, healthy, and from the orphanage we wanted to work with. There was no reason not to adopt him except that he was a bit older than we expected, and I really had my heart set on a baby. Also, our social worker had warned us a few weeks earlier that people who change their expectations to move more quickly often experience significant disappointment later, and that we should not do that without significant prayer and a conviction that it was absolutely the right thing.

Jeff and I talked as much as we could without disrupting his experiments, and prayed, and talked to family.

In the end, we came to the conclusion that there was no reason not to adopt Anthony. He was a boy who needed parents, and we were a couple who needed a boy. The more we looked at his picture, the more he started to look exactly like that baby we were waiting for. I talked with a friend about my age concerns, and she shared that she still felt that kids of his age had lots of learning to do, and plenty of baby-like characteristics. That comforted me. I just wanted some adjustment time before I had to send my child to kindergarten, and I wanted to teach my child to walk and talk, and all those good things. I wanted to go, and knowing that God had placed Anthony in front of us, even without signs and wonders, was enough.

On Sunday afternoon I made the phone call and accepted the referral. That was the 21^st of June. God's timing was good. We knew going into Leah's birthday that we had a little boy waiting for us in Uganda. That took the edge off the pain. It was still a hard day, but we had a little more hope than we had had in a long time.

On Wednesday the 25^th I was at the pool in Wilmette with the little boy that I babysat. We got out of the water to dry off and go eat lunch, so I checked my cell and noticed I had a text. It was from our dear friend Joanne, saying that she had heard from Sister Christine that we had a court date. I was cautiously thrilled. I waited and waited for our agency to call. Finally in the late afternoon I broke down and called them. I didn't mention that I knew we had a court date. It came out that we did, but that Claire hadn't called because the appointment was still unconfirmed, but she told me that she would be calling me in the wee hours of the morning to let me know if it finalized. We were on pins and needles going to bed that night. Claire hoped to hear something by one or two our time (morning on Friday in Uganda), but she didn't end up getting the phone call from Isaac until about three. She called us anyway (by request, of course). Isaac told us to get on a plane as soon as possible, as our court date was the next Thursday and he needed us to be there by Tuesday.

Friday morning we woke up exhausted but ecstatic. We bought tickets and started packing. It was insane.

On Sunday the 28^th, one year exactly from the day we laid our precious Leah in the ground, we boarded a plane to Uganda and to our son.

Throwing Rocks at UNICEF

Many policy groups purportedly support international adoption, but do everything in their power to prevent children from being placed in the loving arms of international families. Prof. Elizabeth Bartholet at Harvard law, an adoptive mom, adoption advocate, and author of some fantastic books on adoption, has recently written a paper detailing how UNICEF and some related organizations are pushing policies that subvert the basic rights of children to excellent care and loving homes. Everyone interested in adoption should read this article, as Bartholet's passion for orphan care and good public policy is infectious. And, it will make you want to throw rocks at UNICEF.

http://www.law.harvard.edu/faculty/bartholet/IA-GlPol72409.pdf

Uganda Packing List

I am heavily indebted to Joanne Tarrant for giving me most of these suggestions, and to Chelsea Nazarian for giving me great tips for surviving the flight.

When we traveled with Northwest/KLM/Air France each adult could take two fifty-pound bags free of charge. Because we flew on the adoption fare we got an extra bag free. I have read that some airlines recently changed their allowance to one fifty-pound bag per adult. Hopefully this is not true, but you should check with your airline.

What we took and what I would do differently:

One bag with clothes to donate to the orphanage and gifts for children, the Aunties, and other people. We brought clothes and shoes for the kids at the orphanage, tons of sweets (both chocolate and hard candy), bubbles, and beach balls. The candy was very popular.

One bag with 50 pounds of food. Totally worth it, especially after week two when you really start to miss American food. We hit up Costco and bought granola bars, Cheezits, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, tons of candy: mini-bars and hard candy (mostly for giving away), Oatmeal, Infant Formula, Spanish Rice mix, Ketchup, and spices.

Skip the ketchup. Contrary to what I was told you can find it almost everywhere. Bring fewer granola bars/crackers in favor of more boxed dinner things, and packets of just add water cookie mix. Uganda has plenty of decent snack foods. You can get milk, butter, meat, etc in Uganda, but flavoring it can be an issue. Next time I am bringing more Spanish rice, some Zatarains mixes, and maybe even a few of those good Thai mixes that you add chicken to. I will also bring salsa and tortilla chips. I was dying for both of those by the end of week two, and did not find a satisfying substitute. I would bring a rice-based formula, as the milk-based formula I brought did not work well for Tommy (although that is what he was drinking at the orphanage). Formula in Uganda is VERY VERY expensive. It would be worth packing (more worth it than diapers).

One bag with clothes for Tommy. It is hard to decide what to bring, because you likely will not have an accurate weight/height. You can assume that the child will not be larger than an American child of their same age. I brought some 12 month clothes, which fit Tommy at 14 months, but he also was fine in 12 to 18 month clothes, although they often looked pretty big. Shoes are worse. I brought the "average" size for 14 months, and they were too large. You will want shoes for court. My mom ended up bringing me little leather shoes from Target. They are great for early walkers, cost about 15 bucks, and are compact and light. Buy the correct size for your child's age and the one below, if they are an early walker. You can buy shoes in Uganda if need be. Truthfully, you can get almost anything there, it is just a matter of how much you are willing to pay!

You can dress your child casually everywhere but in court. Bring some nicer outfits, like a few short-sleeved button down shirts and pants. They should also look nice for church. Other than that it doesn't matter what they wear, although you should bring a sweatshirt or two, and carry one with you. Ugandans have a different idea of what is cold and when a child needs extra clothing. It seemed like anytime it dipped below seventy women would approach me and explain that Tommy (almost always cozy warm in my front carrier) was clearly very chilly. It is more polite to throw a sweatshirt on your child than to argue, and we all want to be good guests while we are in country.

Other supplies we brought for Tommy: diapers, wipes, a bottle, two sippy cups, two bowls with lids, spoons, a bottle rack and brush, dish soap, Royal African Hot Six Oil, Johnson's Baby Wash, two wash clothes, a small brush, an aspirator, nail clippers, portable changing pads, a tote to use as a diaper bag, toys, crayons, and books, a blanket, a little stuffed lion.

If you have reason to believe that your child might suffer from Giardia (or any other intestinal disorder) be sure and pack extra outfits and carry an outfit or two with you when you go out. Giardia causes major explosions frequently throughout the day. On a good day Tommy only needed two outfits. Some days he needed four.

With new airline weight restrictions I would leave out diapers. Diapers are expensive in Uganda, but not so expensive that they would be worth paying for another bag. We only brought them because we had room. Go to the Game- they sell bulk packs of diapers for more reasonable prices. I didn't check wipe prices, but my guess is that they would also not be worth taking unless you had extra room.

Bring a bottle, sippys, etc. These types of things are outrageously priced in Uganda, and they are light so they should be easy to fit in your bag. Go to Walmart. They have very inexpensive baby things that are BPA free and of fairly good quality. I think I paid 97 cents for each sippy I brought and the same for the bowls and set of spoons. If you are anti-walmart I'm sure Kmart or Target or the 99 cent store might have something similar. You want to bring cheap things so that you will not worry about them while you are there and can leave them behind if need be, since you will want space in your bags to bring some things home with you. Whomever you give them to will appreciate them, trust me.

Toys: We brought Tommy a number of books and toys; almost all were previously loved. He played with everything there, then we picked the things he was most attached to to bring home, and left the rest with various friends. Tommy loved his books, especially ones with mirrors, cars, and touch-and-feel things. He had a soft stacker, a shape sorter, a mirror, rattle, pull toy, and some stuffed animals. We brought some age-appropriate toys, and some toys geared for younger kids to teach him how to play. These were invaluable for entertaining at home, while waiting at court, the doctor's, the embassy, at restaurants, and of course, on the airplane. Also, we really believe that having some familiar objects eased his transition once home.

Our bags:

Medicine: Pepto Bismol, Immodium, Mosquito repellents of varying strengths, Advil, Advil pm (for jet lag-didn't need it), cough drops (the smog is BAD), band-aids, antiseptic wash.

Clothes: You will probably be getting your laundry done once a week, and it will take at least a day or two to dry and be ironed. So I would bring at least nine days' worth of clothes. You will need at least two different nice outfits for court. Depending on your judge you may want to bring three, because you might have an extra court date. These clothes should be modest and nice. Jeff wore a full suit, and I wore either dresses or nice skirts/blouses. The judge probably won't turn you down based on your appearance, but you want to dress nicely to show your respect. You will also want to wear nice clothes to church. People really dress up for church.

The rest of the time, if you are in Kampala or the surrounding areas you can wear skirts knee-length or longer, knee-length shorts or capri pants, and jeans or other long pants. The only time I ever wore regular shorts was in transit to and from the pool at the Speke, where everyone wears normal bathing suits, so I figure they can't be shocked by shorts. Men can wear shorts, but it is most culturally acceptable to only wear shorts on the weekends and wear pants on the week days.

Bring shoes that are good for walking, especially on uneven terrain. There are sidewalks in Kampala, but if you are outside of the city at all and decide to take a walk you will mostly be traveling on rutted dirt roads.

We did not bring jewelry, except for wedding bands, watches, and one pair of inexpensive earrings. You must have a wedding band on at court. If your band is attached to a diamond or other precious stone, get an inexpensive plain band to wear.

Toiletries: Pack your normal things. Then bring extra toothbrushes. You will need to be careful not to use the water to brush your teeth, and it is really easy to forget. If you accidentally run your toothbrush under the water you will either have to boil it or throw it away.

If you have hard contacts you may want to avoid washing them in water that is not either boiled or bottled. The easiest way to do this is Simplicity solution. It is not as good, but it works well under the circumstances.

Miscellaneous: Depending on your living situation, you will probably not need to bring towels, sheets, etc. I know our guest house provided them. You may want to bring a blanket for spreading on the floor or grass. We brought an old sheet and a grass mat and they were both very useful.

Flashlights. The power goes out all the time. Bring at least two flashlights. I had a headlight (like for spelunking) and it was AWESOME. So useful.

Carry-ons:

Copies in each carry-on of all of our documents (dossier and tax returns for the embassy), just to be safe.

Our court clothes. You do not want to be without these.

The rest of the space we devoted to clothes and things we did not want to be without, just in case our bags were lost.

Personal Item:

Jeff brought his laptop. I brought a backpack with a fresh shirt/undergarments for the layover, books, our iPods, my adoption journal, my glasses, and my quart sized ziplock survival pack (we each had one to take through). It contained: deodorant, a travel toothbrush and toothpaste, pre-moistened face clothes, antibacterial gel, a travel sized contact solution and my contact case. The only thing I didn't have that I wish I would have packed was a small tube of lotion. Airplanes make me so dry.

Long trips like this are bound to make you feel gross. However, I found that changing clothes during the layover, washing my face, brushing my teeth, etc, really made me feel better. I arrived in Uganda feeling somewhat normal, which helped my emotional state a lot.

Bring a pillow. Bring a pillow. Bring a pillow.

African pillows are very large, overstuffed, hard, and lumpy. If you normally sleep on a cushy, flat, down pillow, your neck will be horribly sore after sleeping with these. I ended up sleeping without a pillow for five weeks. Bring a pillow.

Carrier
If you child is under 35 pounds or so, bring a carrier that will allow you to backpack them around. If your child is under 25 pounds that you can use a front carrier (or a front/back/hip carrier like Ergon), which is even better for bonding purposes. We brought an Ergo and were so happy with it. We used it everyday, and it was worth every penny we spent on it. Tommy found it very comforting, and often liked to fall asleep in it while listening to one of our hearts. It also encouraged a great deal of eye contact in the front carry position, which is also ideal for bonding. It was easy to get him into and out of, and rarely was uncomfortable for us to wear. The only time I felt any discomfort from it was after wearing it for hours on end and doing a great deal of walking. If you are only planning on being in the city, a cheap umbrella stroller might be helpful, but if you are strong enough to carry your child it is so much easier to do that.

Out of the Ashes

A friend and counselor of mine during our long walk through Leah's death and Tommy's adoption recently asked to share our story during a devotional she was preparing. She asked for some pictures of both Leah and Tommy, so I made a little slideshow.

I used music from Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album Beauty Will Rise. This album rocks my world.

Disclaimer: I am neither a long-time Steven Curtis Chapman fan, or a fan of most CCM. Of course, as an adoptive parent I have a great respect for the Chapman family and their commitment to orphans. Not only have they adopted, they also started Show Hope, which helps hundreds of families bring home kids every year (including us!). Given the amount of grants Show Hope gives, along with running numerous programs to help orphans, and building a huge care facility for special needs kids in China, I would guess the Chapmans support it pretty heavily. They put their money where their mouth is- so refreshing. All that said, I still hadn't purchased any of SCC's albums, recently or ever.

A few weeks ago I saw an article on CNN.com about Chapman's new album, in which he writes and sings about grieving his daughter, Maria. I was intrigued. I went to his website and listened to the two song sampler, then went and got the album the next day.

I can't tell you if this is a "great" album or not. I can tell you that it is honest and accurate. I listen to it and think, "yes, I felt (or feel) that way." It speaks straight to my heart. This album is sad, but so is losing a child. Despite the overall heaviness of the album's content, Chapman works in the hope that we have in Christ. The way he balanced hope with the pain of loss in his lyrics and music felt perfect to me. It is too easy to deny the real pain that Christians have as we mourn because we cling to our hope of something better. Chapman does not deny his pain, his suffering, or his longing for his girl, but he makes it abundantly clear that he knows he will hold her again.

Especially as the holidays approach and everything becomes even more bittersweet (I know I would never have both Leah and Tommy, but I want them both. Having Tommy makes the holidays fun again, but we will still really miss Leah), I have really been enjoying this album. In the interview I read Chapman mentioned that he hoped the album would be healing for others sharing his pain, and it is.

Another Judge, Another YES

Wednesday we went to adoption court and filed Tommy's interim order. The Judge accepted all of our paperwork, so we could be finalized in six weeks (six months to the day that we took physical custody of Tommy). However, because of the holidays and some backlogs of paperwork at our home-study agency it will probably end up happening a little later. We will not be returning to court for finalization. In Illinois you only appear once for the interim order.

We have received many questions along the lines of "but didn't you adopt Tommy in Uganda?" The answer is no. Uganda does not allow international adoption. They only allow non-Ugandans to file for guardianship, which they allow with the understanding that you will return to your country and go through an adoption proceeding there. The US requires you to wait six months, and then you can finalize your adoption here. Until then, we remain Tommy's legal guardians in the eyes of the state.

Wednesday was interesting. We were driving into the city for the first time since moving out west, and we foolishly relied on google map's "with traffic" driving times (lessoned learned: TAKE METRA). We ended up getting there with only a few minutes to spare before court opened, which meant we had to rush through the process of getting Tommy served with his paperwork by the sheriff's office and filing our paperwork.


That meant lots of rushing up and down and back and forth in the Daley Center. We got into the adoption court about three minutes after it opened at 9:30, and our lawyer was worried that the Judge might not hear our case because sometimes she leaves early (this confused me because one would hope that she at least stays five minutes after opening, but whatever). So we found ourselves once again praying for a Judge to have mercy on us. There were other families in the waiting room, so it was clear that she was still in session at least when we got in.


A few minutes later a family came out of the court room and we were called in. We stood before the Judge and answered a few questions, she accepted our paperwork and congratulated us. Then we went back to the waiting room until she finished with the other family there so that we could take pictures with her and our lawyer.



After all the nerves and rushing, getting in and out was quite a relief. Now, all we have to do is wait!

The Early Intervention Saga

After being home for almost two months, we finally got our early intervention evaluations. Finally. You may be wondering why we sought them out, and that is simple: all children who grow up in orphanages, no matter how loving, have delays and are considered "special needs" for a time. Orphanages simply cannot provide the kind of attention required for optimal development. Tommy was, we believe, physically delayed due to parasites and poor nutrition and as a result is small for his age (25^th percentile), despite being a large baby when he arrived as a newborn at the orphanage.

Because of his background Tommy's pediatrician gave us the referral we needed for an early intervention evaluation.

Now, at the time we were aware that we would be moving from Cook county to DuPage county. My referral was for Cook county, and when I called they said they couldn't evaluate Tommy because we were moving to DuPage and I should call them. So I did. DuPage said they couldn't evaluate Tommy because we still lived in Cook. I love bureaucracy. DuPage said I could call once we physically resided in the county. On Sunday, September 2, the day we moved into the Argonne Guest House, I called and left a message for the intake coordinator. It took a few days for her to get in touch and set up an intake appointment for the end of the next week. At the intake appointment we discussed my concerns and she explained the program and told me therapists would be calling me the following week to set up appointments. We had five therapists come out over the course of two weeks to evaluate speech, development, attachment and psychological state, and gross and fine motor skills. The evaluations all happened within a month of my calling.

The evaluations went well. My very favorite was the psychologist who told us that Tommy is attached! All of his body language and responses indicated a bond to us. We are still, of course, being careful of this bond, because we don't want to damage the progress we have made, but it was very encouraging news. She added that she was very impressed with Tommy's overall attitude and that many of the skills he demonstrated for her were above average for his age. She felt that he was more advanced at some things than many children born in the US. We thought he was pretty clever and fast at picking up on things, but believed ourselves to be biased...apparently not!

The Occupational therapist felt he was also at or above age level in his fine motor skills, and the physical therapist said he was doing well for an early walker (he learned to walk late, but they don't consider it delayed as long as it is before 17 months) and that his muscle tone was great and that she doesn't anticipate future delays.

The developmental therapist noted some delays, as did the speech therapist, but neither were severe enough to require services, although we can request reevaluation in those two areas in three months to make sure that he is moving forward at the appropriate rate.

But here is the kicker: the physical therapist said, in an offhand way, after saying that we wouldn't qualify under her, "If only you would have had him evaluated sooner, he would have qualified when you first brought him home"!!!

Not qualifying is a mixed blessing. Now we don't have to deal with scheduling a therapist and making appointments, but instead we are responsible for catching Tommy up with no guidance and no help. I'm not complaining about having to teach Tommy things. That is my job as his parent, and we knew when we adopted that he would have delays and had prepared ourselves for those delays to be much worse. That said, at the end of the evaluations I felt a little like I did the day when Sister handed Tommy over to me with the words "He should be walking and potty trained by now. You should work on that."

He has some delays. You should catch him up.

Thanks. He still isn't potty trained.

Orphan Sunday

Today is Orphan Sunday. In recognition of the estimated 145 million orphans worldwide, here is my list of the top five reasons you should prayerfully consider adoption or supporting someone who is adopting:

5. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

4.

Hugs

3.

Kisses

2.

Joy

1. Because you were an orphan once too.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." Ephesians 1:4-5.

Patrick's Guest House

Ok, I know it has a real name, like Bridge Africa Guest House, but Patrick runs it, and to us it is Patrick's Guest House. First of all, Patrick runs more than one guest house, apparently. But we stayed at the one where anyone adopting an child or traveling in a very small group might stay. It was a three bedroom, two bath home. There is one room with a private, attached bath, and two rooms that share a bath in the hallway. The shared bathroom has a shower, while the private bath has a tub with a handle attachment that you can spray over yourself while you sit in the tub. Both bathrooms have hot water- glorious. Trust me, you want to have hot water. You will be covered in red dirt or red mud (depending on the season) so having a place to shower is oh so important.

The guest house also has a shared living/dining room, a kitchen, a nice front porch, a back patio, and a good piece of lawn. The extra space was invaluable when attempting to entertain an active little one. Tommy loved playing on the patio or in the yard, and Alfred was even kind enough to lend us a wash basin for a pool. On rainy days the extra living space inside made a huge difference, and we also enjoyed having a TV with a DVD player to watch a movie now and then. Having a kitchen (oven, stovetop, toaster, coffee pot, and refrigerator- no microwave) saved us a great deal of money because we could cook our own meals if we were around, and that was especially nice because we could make "American" food the way we liked it.

We cannot say enough about Alfred, the caretaker of the guest house. He is an incredible man who loves the Lord and has a servant's heart. He never once complained about the HUGE messes Tommy made on the tablecloths or the floor. He did mountains of dishes and laundry, and even taught me the basics of Ugandan cooking. He and the other guys who work around the house were eager to talk about Ugandan culture and to direct us on the important things to teach Tommy.

The guest house is outside of the city center, which means you will spend more time driving, but you will also be away from the worst of the heat and smog. The air quality in Uganda is poor because there are no exhaust standards for the vehicles and because everyone burns their trash. You can't escape the smoke from trash anywhere, but the guest house is situated on a hill that gets a nice breeze so the air is much cleaner there than in the city center. You will not need to be in the city everyday, and the guest house is a really pleasant place to spend your downtime. Also, it is quite close to the American embassy, and you will be spending plenty of time there.

We paid $25 a night per adult (so $50 a night), and had the large front bedroom with the attached bath. The rate included breakfast. We paid Alfred to do our laundry each week, but it was very reasonable. We also tipped him for all his hard work keeping the house and our room/bathroom clean, so you would want to plan on taking some extra money for that too.

Patrick also had vans and a car available for rent. If you can, ask for Eddie to drive you. He really knows where he is going and he hates traffic. You will not be late for court with Eddie. We had more than one driver while we were there because Eddie had to do some long distance driving, and they were all fine, but Eddie was the best.

When, God willing, we return to Uganda, we will want to stay there again...hopefully it won't be all booked up!

Contact info: http://bridgeafricainternational.org/services.html

We included a few pictures of the guest house in an earlier post.

Question:

How many almost-PhD's does it take to set up a pack-n-play?

Answer: More than two, apparently.

Actually we do have it figured out. It just took us longer than we wanted it to take, because there are way too many extra parts.

I went to Target intending to look at the simple play yards, because Tommy is too big for a "newborn napper station" and all the bells and whistles most of the pricey pack-n-plays have. I saw some that looked serviceable, and I laughed at the one with a vibrating napper, changing table, diaper stacker, and nature sound machine. Seriously, it has five different nature sounds. Five. On a portable crib.

Then I turned the corner and found the clearance section, where the Cadillac of pack-n-plays with sound machines, etc, was half off in last year's color. Half-off the premium was cheaper than the lowest priced plain play yard.

Thus, we are the proud owners of a pack-n-play that has a million spare parts for all the accessories, and an instruction book consisting of pictures and arrows. We have just about a week to get it all figured out, as we have to leave our current apartment at the end of the month. Our new apartment won't be ready until at least the fifteenth, maybe the nineteenth, so we really need that pack-n-play. We will be staying with friends for part of the time, and at a hotel for a few days.

Tommy has a lot of fun helping mom and dad pack

We are concerned about how Tommy will handle all these transitions. If we had a choice we would not be making all these changes so quickly, but it was ultimately not up to us. Besides the craziness of trying to pack our apartment things are going well. Tommy has finished his parasite treatment. We are praying that it worked. We are cautiously optimistic as "things" have improved lately, but, that occurred last time he was treated as well, and the parasite ended up coming back. It would be really unpleasant to be dealing with the giardia while living at a hotel, or in someone else's home. Also, we are awaiting the results from a slew of tests. It took a few days (and far too many tries) to get enough blood to run the tests he needed, and to collect all of the samples. We should have moved into the lab.

Holding Tommy while he endured stick after stick and a do-over on his TB test (negative!) was miserable. I know that older kids fuss too, but at least you can explain to a four year old why they have to get tests and shots for school. Tommy has no ability to comprehend all the poking and prodding, and the look in his big brown eyes- "why are you letting these people do this to me?"- is terrible to endure, especially when our bonds are so new and fragile.

Naptime in Amsterdam

The first leg of our flight home was awful. I refuse to relive it by writing about it. Rest assured, Tommy was a dream during that flight- a real bright spot in the midst of an otherwise wretched experience (well, the food was still good).


We arrived in Amsterdam weary and worn. Tommy was still sleepy and having tummy issues, and Mom and I were exhausted and cranky. I remembered that on our flight out I had seen a play place for kids, and a baby lounge next to the airport art museum, so we decided to check that out. We were hoping for a place to change Tommy and maybe get cleaned up a bit, like a larger "family bathroom" type room. Boy, did we underestimate the Dutch.

The baby lounge had dim lighting and soft music. There were individual circular booths for each family containing a crib and two side seats, and enough room next to the crib to place your carry-ones, all surrounded by gauze curtains to provide privacy. When I looked up, I noticed that there was a projector beaming shapes onto the ceiling for the baby's entertainment.


To the side stood a counter with a microwave for warming milk, two changing stations with sanitizer and towels, and two large tub-shaped basins. When I first saw them, I thought, "sick, who would wash their baby in an airport bath-sink?" Then Tommy had an unpleasant and very drippy diaper, and I found out that the answer was: ME! I consoled myself with the thought that he had probably been in far more germy situations over the course of his life. After all, he has giardia from drinking water contaminated with animal poop, so what could he catch from a sink in the developed world (dry by the way, stainless steel, and very clean looking)?


After bath time and a change of pajamas, we put down blankets and put Tommy in the crib and Mom and I did our best to nap in the seats. Tommy just would not settle down. He wanted to be held, and kept fussing for it. Finally Mom opened her eyes and ordered me to get in the crib with him. The crib was a built-in with a solid bottom, so I obliged. I don't know if Tommy slept, but I had a great nap. I seem to recall that I might have stayed in the crib even after he woke up. I sure needed a nap.

The Name Game

"We celebrate the addition of Thomas Anthony OwoNugisha..." reads our church bulletin this week. And the misspellings begin. Actually, they started in Uganda, where Tommy's name was misspelled on his town birth certificate as "Oklomugisha."

Jeff and I talked extensively about whether or not we would change the name of our adopted child, and, without knowing what it might be, decided that if the baby was named by a parent or other family member we would keep and use that name. However, if the baby was named by the orphanage we would consider keeping that name, but likely use it as a middle name and add a family name. We knew that if our child was named by an orphange he or she would have both an English and a Ugandan name, and that we would keep both.

When we received Tommy's file, he was presented to us as "Anthony Oklomugisha." We decided to keep both names, and add on my father's name, Thomas. We planned to call him Tommy, and hoped- beyond hope- that the orphanage had shortened Anthony to "Tony," as the difference between Tommy and Tony is small, especially when you factor in our accents.

Imagine our surprise when we asked the Sister what she called him, and she replied "Baby Jesus. Or just Jesus." That's Jesus with a J, not an H.

Hmmmmm. A far cry from Tony. Or Anthony. Or Owomugisha.

JESUS! She called him Jesus. I still can't get over it. It was just so ...unexpected.

We asked why and we received two very different answers. The first was that he came to the home as a newborn, and many of the babies come in when they are already a few weeks or months old, so the older children (in the three to five year range) were very excited about him and liked to sing him songs, and they got confused because the songs they sang to him were about Jesus, so they started to think he was Jesus.

The second explanation we did not fully understand, but it had something to do with sickness, a miracle, and salvation, and somehow from that his name became Jesus.

Either way he might develop a Messiah complex. He already suffers from confusion during praise songs.

Besides, I can't call my child Jesus. I just can't. And calling him "H"esus, would be a name change too. So, we called him "baby" for the first few weeks, interspersed with Tommy. When he began responding readily to Tommy, we started using it more than "baby."

Now he loves to play "where's Tommy?"


We decided to keep "Anthony" and "Owomugisha" even though Sister insisted that they never called him Anthony and they randomly picked the name off a calendar of Saints (I'm guessing they named him on April 19th the feast day of St. Pavoni, Anthony). He was Anthony to us first, and we like the meaning: "worthy of praise" or "flourishing."

We especially loved the meaning of his Ugandan name "Owomugisha." The full name means "He (the bearer of the name) is blessed." The shortened version, "Mugisha" means "blessing" or "blessed." We think it is appropriate.

Playing Catch-Up

I am officially behind on many things. The worst is the adoption journal. If I don't hurry up I may intentionally forget that last week. We also have no where to live as of August 31. And Tommy has yet to see a pediatrician here in the US (in my defense he went to The Surgery three times in Uganda AND we are waiting for our health insurance to kick in). Less problematic are the growing pile of dishes and laundry. Don't ask about the dissertation. Or how dirty the floor is.

All that is to explain the lack of updates on the blog. They will come. I have so many posts to write about our time in Uganda, and many more cute pictures to post of Tommy.

Tommy loves his crib.

He is a joy. He loves his crib and sleeps from 8 to 6ish. We still haven't set a nap schedule, but he has been going down when he gets cranky without many problems. He will eat almost anything, although not much is agreeing with his poor little intestines right now. He loves music, and has figured out how to open the stereo cabinet and turn up the volume. He has very eclectic taste, his current favorites being Keith Green and Rolling Thunder era Bob Dylan. Mum may go a little crazy with that last one.

First trip to the record store. Definitely not baby-proof.

I am overwhelmed and a bit culture-shocked. I still can't get over how delicious meat is here, or how nice it is to have clean water running from a tap and be able to drink it or brush my teeth with it without having to boil it or get it from a bottle. I feel like I have way too much stuff.

Also, I have survivor's guilt on Tommy's behalf. It is hard for me to watch Tommy playing with his glowing, musical, colorful toys and think that a month ago he had nothing. It is hard to watch him demand yet another banana only an hour after eating and realize that he has never had his need for nutrition met according to his timetables. I am so thankful that we have the opportunity to provide for him and meet his needs. What a blessing is is to share our lives with him.

Welcome Home

Coming Home

Have visa. Am coming.

I received those words via text message at 8:11 am CDT (4:11 pm in Uganda). Beautiful. There should now be plenty of time for them to make their scheduled flight which leaves in about six hours. Pray for safe and smooth travel.

They are coming home.