At Christmas we celebrate God's gift to humanity of a very special baby, his own son. This year Jeff and I had hoped to enjoy Christmas with our baby, but those dreams did not come to fruition. Although we mourn the loss of this opportunity, we remain grateful that God blessed us with Leah and allowed us a little time with her. This gift of a child did not fit our expectations, or fulfill our dreams, but it was a gift. Thus our response is -as is should be- gratitude.
Jeff and I wanted to find a way to incorporate Leah into our Christmas celebration, and to ensure that she remains there in the coming years. We do not want to forget God's goodness to us, the joy of our pregnancy and of her birth, the darkness of mourning and the hope he has provided us. From where we stand now, if feels like we could never forget, but we know that time will dull our memory. Although we look forward to an alleviation of our pain, we fear that with that we might also forget the many benefits of our brokenness. In addition, we believe that Leah's short life has been an integral tool in shaping who we are as a family. Jeff and I need to tell her story in order to make sense of us.
We decided that we wanted to find an ornament for our tree that we could hang every year as we decorate to open up conversations about Leah and what we have learned through this experience. We also wanted the ornament to represent our loss, and how much we miss her. Finding an ornament has been difficult. We wanted to stay away from glass, or delicate construction, to make sure the ornament would be something future children could touch or hang and not worry about breaking. Most of the thematic ornaments seem inappropriate, and the the colors garish.
Finally, while looking through a gardening catalog, I found the perfect ornament. Well, really, ornaments: half-inch glass "raindrops." They are very tiny, and although breakable, they come in large packs so they are replaceable.
We decided that we will hang a teardrop for each Christmas we spend without Leah. They will remind us of how hard it is to celebrate without someone you love. The beauty and simplicity of the ornament, which resembles a teardrop, reminds us that sorrow is a natural part of life and that God cries with us. The fact that they were originally designed as raindrops points to God's renewal and his provision for our parched souls. I hope to one day watch my future children hang these ornaments and reflect that while God planned my family differently than I imagined, his plan was good.
Jeff and I wanted to find a way to incorporate Leah into our Christmas celebration, and to ensure that she remains there in the coming years. We do not want to forget God's goodness to us, the joy of our pregnancy and of her birth, the darkness of mourning and the hope he has provided us. From where we stand now, if feels like we could never forget, but we know that time will dull our memory. Although we look forward to an alleviation of our pain, we fear that with that we might also forget the many benefits of our brokenness. In addition, we believe that Leah's short life has been an integral tool in shaping who we are as a family. Jeff and I need to tell her story in order to make sense of us.
We decided that we wanted to find an ornament for our tree that we could hang every year as we decorate to open up conversations about Leah and what we have learned through this experience. We also wanted the ornament to represent our loss, and how much we miss her. Finding an ornament has been difficult. We wanted to stay away from glass, or delicate construction, to make sure the ornament would be something future children could touch or hang and not worry about breaking. Most of the thematic ornaments seem inappropriate, and the the colors garish.
Finally, while looking through a gardening catalog, I found the perfect ornament. Well, really, ornaments: half-inch glass "raindrops." They are very tiny, and although breakable, they come in large packs so they are replaceable.
We decided that we will hang a teardrop for each Christmas we spend without Leah. They will remind us of how hard it is to celebrate without someone you love. The beauty and simplicity of the ornament, which resembles a teardrop, reminds us that sorrow is a natural part of life and that God cries with us. The fact that they were originally designed as raindrops points to God's renewal and his provision for our parched souls. I hope to one day watch my future children hang these ornaments and reflect that while God planned my family differently than I imagined, his plan was good.
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3 comments:
what an awesome likening! We hang an angel ordament every year in remembrance of my Godson. And I know the tear drops are even more perfect!
The teardrops are perfect. This was a wonderful post. Your words are so perfect.
What a great idea! I think it's perfect!
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