Handling the Holidays

I am happy that Christmas and New Years have passed. We really struggled throughout the holidays.It didn't help that Christmas Eve marked six months since Leah's death. Milestone days tend to be awful, and combining it with celebration and socializing created an extreme amount of stress for both Jeff and me.

Both of us entered into the holidays exhausted. Jeff was worn out from work, travel, and delays. I was worn out from too many activities with family, and way too much time at the mall. I find that busyness can be really helpful when I am emotionally overwhelmed, because sleeping comes much easier when you wear yourself out. Thus I stayed very scheduled in the days leading up to Christmas. My strategy worked well until Christmas day, when the combination of not enough sleep and too much stress collided with grief and my body shut down.

On Christmas day we woke up early for presents with my immediate family, then had brunch with my Mom's side of the extended family. By about noon I felt sick to my stomach, and was completely unable to keep my eyes open. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I slept until it was time to go to Klug Christmas. I made it, although I still felt really sick to my stomach. We opened presents and had dinner. It was nice and low-key, but I felt awful. I ended up going home early, putting on my pajamas, and falling asleep on the couch, again.

Now that the holidays have come and gone, things do seem a bit better. Family traditions and gatherings really amplified our sense of loss. Leah should have been there. We felt her absence.