...Ta-da!

It has been so long since I have sat down and written; I admit I feel a little rusty. We have some big news that I am compelled to write about - a new addition.

Meet the littlest member of our family. SHE is due to arrive November 20th.

I am a little over twenty weeks along. We decided to try things differently this time and keep the news quiet until we had more information from the doctor. Because we have moved since my pregnancy with Kenny, I am seeing a whole new team of OBs and specialists, and the current specialist has been very cautious with his diagnostic opinions. We had hoped to have a good idea about how the baby was doing at 16 weeks, but he was not able to give us a definitive answer at that time. Today (after an hour and a half of diagnostic ultrasound stress), he pronounced this little one healthy. We are very thankful that God blessed us with this new life, and grateful that we will have the opportunity to raise this daughter.

This pregnancy has been a unique experience. I have been feeling much worse physically than I did with Kenny, and more nauseous/ hormonal than I did with Leah, but also much less tired (that pregnancy was very physically draining even before we knew anything was wrong). I have been dealing with anxiety, mostly in the week leading up to my various ultrasounds, but nothing like I did with Kenny. I think it helped not talking about it as much, and it also helped that we were not expecting this particular bit of news (you know you were wondering), and going into this pregnancy without the pressing desire for another baby right at that particular moment did make it easier too as we waited and wondered what would happen. Some days I feel like God is playing a joke on me (and since the ending appears to be happy, it is a funny one), as we decided last year not to pursue pregnancy again, and I gave my sister my maternity clothes when I saw her over Christmas, told my friends I was done with pregnancy, and tossed out my nursing bras...then just a few months later found out things were not going to go according to that plan. I should have learned by now not to make plans, because things never seem to go the way I intend. I'm okay with that right now.

It probably goes without saying, but I am thrilled to be having a girl. I screamed in the poor nurse's ear when she called to tell me. It was so loud I had to apologize, and then guiltily explain that I would have been happy for a boy too, but, well, I already had three. Expect this poor child to be swathed in pink and bows and glitter and tulle. I am so done with blue. The little boys are less thrilled. Tommy and Kenny continue to hold out hope that it might be a boy (despite DNA testing and repeat ultrasounds), while Nic is usually happy about it, as he was rooting for a girl about half of the time.

We would appreciate your prayers for the continued health and growth of our sweet little girl, and my anxiety in that regard, especially when I reach the late third trimester. Although she did not inherit SRPS, we are more acutely aware of everything that can go wrong from here on out. I suppose that is the downside of attending pregnancy loss support groups - you really learn too much. Although I think that once you have been the one in the "only one in ten thousand" statistic, you never feel entirely comfortable with pregnancy (or any statistics designed to make you feel better). Therefore, I can use all the prayer I can get.

If you would have told me seven years ago, when I despaired of ever having a child, that today I would be raising three crazy, adorable boys and be pregnant with another little girl, I don't think I would have believed it. It was very healing to visit Leah's grave this year, pregnant with this little one and hopeful that we would finally have a chance to watch a little girl grow up. I am repeatedly amazed as I watch God continue to build beautiful things out of our pile of ashes.