On Monday I had a hard day. Mondays used to be harder for me than other days, I think because all the fun and distractions of the weekend end on Mondays, so I have more time to think, which means more time to miss Leah. As things have gotten a bit easier, Mondays haven't been noticeably different than the other days of the week. I think my encounter on Friday with the nurse, and my residual feelings from that factored into it as well. Anyhow, Monday was just one of those days when I really missed Leah. She was on my mind all day long. Some days are like that.
After a long day of feeling sad, I decided I should think about something a little happier. At my appointment on Friday I had talked with my doctor about adoptive breast feeding, and so I decided to do a little more homework on the subject. I ended up reading some articles written by women who have successfully breastfed "older" adopted children - those adopted between 6 months and a year. It was very encouraging. It will likely take a great deal of effort, and will probably take months, but it is possible to simulate breast feeding with the help of a supplementer and some people have even taught older children to latch and feed naturally. I'm not holding my breath on that one though. I spent maybe an hour reading articles and learning about the equipment I will need and the techniques that moms have successfully employed. Again one hour reading, and maybe another half hour thinking about when I want to get started, and what I might take on our trip to Uganda. So, an hour and a half (at most) of thought commitment to breastfeeding.
Tuesday morning I got a special surprise: breast milk.
I am pretty irritated. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I apparently still have the ability to produce milk. I am irritated because it is a painful physical reminder of what I don't have, when my week already started out badly. I am irritated because I am sore and uncomfortable. Also, now I feel really impatient about the adoption. Clearly I need a baby today. I could feed it. In addition, now I clearly need to stop researching adoptive nursing, but I wasn't finished. Since we don't know how much lead time we will have before traveling, and it could be as short as four weeks, I had hoped to know what products I wanted so that the day we got our referral I could go buy my pump, place my orders for specialty products, and start preparing.
Obviously, the amount of milk I am dealing with is nothing compared to what happened right after Leah was born. It doesn't hurt nearly as much. Still, I don't want to deal with this right now. I had to hunt down my ice packs and start binding again. I am confident this will resolve itself quickly, but I am nevertheless not enjoying it.
After a long day of feeling sad, I decided I should think about something a little happier. At my appointment on Friday I had talked with my doctor about adoptive breast feeding, and so I decided to do a little more homework on the subject. I ended up reading some articles written by women who have successfully breastfed "older" adopted children - those adopted between 6 months and a year. It was very encouraging. It will likely take a great deal of effort, and will probably take months, but it is possible to simulate breast feeding with the help of a supplementer and some people have even taught older children to latch and feed naturally. I'm not holding my breath on that one though. I spent maybe an hour reading articles and learning about the equipment I will need and the techniques that moms have successfully employed. Again one hour reading, and maybe another half hour thinking about when I want to get started, and what I might take on our trip to Uganda. So, an hour and a half (at most) of thought commitment to breastfeeding.
Tuesday morning I got a special surprise: breast milk.
I am pretty irritated. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I apparently still have the ability to produce milk. I am irritated because it is a painful physical reminder of what I don't have, when my week already started out badly. I am irritated because I am sore and uncomfortable. Also, now I feel really impatient about the adoption. Clearly I need a baby today. I could feed it. In addition, now I clearly need to stop researching adoptive nursing, but I wasn't finished. Since we don't know how much lead time we will have before traveling, and it could be as short as four weeks, I had hoped to know what products I wanted so that the day we got our referral I could go buy my pump, place my orders for specialty products, and start preparing.
Obviously, the amount of milk I am dealing with is nothing compared to what happened right after Leah was born. It doesn't hurt nearly as much. Still, I don't want to deal with this right now. I had to hunt down my ice packs and start binding again. I am confident this will resolve itself quickly, but I am nevertheless not enjoying it.
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4 comments:
I am amazed that your milk returned so quickly! It is a hard reminder and I can see it being a problem while you are waiting for the adoption to happen.
One idea is to pump the milk and freeze it. It is good for 6 months and who knows what will be happening by then? Another idea is to donate your milk. I heard about donation a few years ago and it is an amazing gift to give if you are able.
Just some thoughts.
It was just a small amount...and not fit to drink because of some medication I am on right now. I iced all day yesterday, and today have only a little soreness. I don't want to pump yet because if the adoption is significantly delayed it would be too painful.
I'm glad you aren't in too much physical pain this time around.
It is a good sign that your milk comes in so easily and you most likely won't have any trouble when your adoption goes through.
I am very impressed with your milk-producing abilities, but sorry you had to deal with this now.
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