I am so frustrated with God right now. I cannot understand why he put us through the events of the last two days. On Monday night we were excited about the way things were going with our adoption plans. We had specifically said no to a “dual track” pursuit of both domestic and international adoption. We were all about Uganda. We signed all the contracts our agency had sent us, prepared our orphan visa papers, and were ready to mail everything the next day. Then I realized the next day was Veterans Day, so mailing was not an option.
On Tuesday morning I got a call from our domestic agency asking if they could show our information to a birth mother that might be a good match. We said yes, of course, and I marveled that perhaps God had timed things very well. On Monday I had prayed and asked him to intervene if he planned for us to take a route different than the one we were on. When I got the phone call the next morning I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the answer to my prayer. I rushed around preparing our “profile” material, and managed to get it all turned in two minutes before the office closed. Everything seemed to be falling into place.
We have struggled since yesterday morning not to get too invested, but it is nearly impossible not to, especially because we feel called as Christians to pray over the process, and the mother, and baby, and everything that is going on. When you are praying for someone like that you can’t hold back your heart.
Today was miserable. Neither of us slept well last night, and both of us felt so nervous all day. I have felt like I was going to throw-up since I woke up this morning. At 5:30 this evening we received a call saying that the birth mother chose another family. Our feedback was that she liked us, but wanted a couple that was more “settled in their careers” and “older.” This was not a surprise to us. When we first started looking into adoption we were told that we were poor candidates for a domestic case because most adoptive parents are older and far wealthier than we are. One of the reasons, and there were many, that we chose international adoption in the first place was to avoid this anxiety and this rejection.
I simply cannot understand why we were pulled back in, and with this timing. Had our agency called on Wednesday, after I mailed that contract and check, I would have said no to participating in this process. We were perfectly happy with what lay ahead of us with an international adoption. We were content to wait (albeit somewhat impatiently) and excited about something. We don’t get very much of that.
I don’t understand why we were taunted with a baby this week. It just doesn’t make sense.
On Tuesday morning I got a call from our domestic agency asking if they could show our information to a birth mother that might be a good match. We said yes, of course, and I marveled that perhaps God had timed things very well. On Monday I had prayed and asked him to intervene if he planned for us to take a route different than the one we were on. When I got the phone call the next morning I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the answer to my prayer. I rushed around preparing our “profile” material, and managed to get it all turned in two minutes before the office closed. Everything seemed to be falling into place.
We have struggled since yesterday morning not to get too invested, but it is nearly impossible not to, especially because we feel called as Christians to pray over the process, and the mother, and baby, and everything that is going on. When you are praying for someone like that you can’t hold back your heart.
Today was miserable. Neither of us slept well last night, and both of us felt so nervous all day. I have felt like I was going to throw-up since I woke up this morning. At 5:30 this evening we received a call saying that the birth mother chose another family. Our feedback was that she liked us, but wanted a couple that was more “settled in their careers” and “older.” This was not a surprise to us. When we first started looking into adoption we were told that we were poor candidates for a domestic case because most adoptive parents are older and far wealthier than we are. One of the reasons, and there were many, that we chose international adoption in the first place was to avoid this anxiety and this rejection.
I simply cannot understand why we were pulled back in, and with this timing. Had our agency called on Wednesday, after I mailed that contract and check, I would have said no to participating in this process. We were perfectly happy with what lay ahead of us with an international adoption. We were content to wait (albeit somewhat impatiently) and excited about something. We don’t get very much of that.
I don’t understand why we were taunted with a baby this week. It just doesn’t make sense.
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5 comments:
I'm sorry you had to experience this huge letdown. Like you said, God knows the child he has planned for your family. I think we will always ask why in situations like this but we need to trust that God's timing is perfect.
Continue to walk by faith and not by sight.
I am so sorry honey and it doesn't make sense. We will continue to pray for you and Jeff.
Love,Mom
So sorry that you had to go thru this. Sometimes I think God "tests" our faith. While it may seem "cruel", it really does show Him if we trust Him. Keep up the faith.
I'm really sorry Amy. I love you and have been praying for you guys all week.
Hi Jeff and Amy - We will also be praying for you guys! We love you and know that you will be amazing parents!! We can't wait to celebrate with you when the time comes. God knows the plans and we are stuck waiting it out. It never makes sense at the time, but it's always revealed when we least expect it. Poor Aiden is still facing more health challenges and we don't understand why, but have no choice but to trust Him. You can always count on us for love and prayers!!
All our love, Kim and Drew
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