This week we finalized the arrangements for Leah’s headstone. I have been so anxious to get this done because we will be traveling to an area of Wisconsin that is near Leah’s grave in about a month, and I want to be able to go to see the site and the marker on the way home from our trip.
I have read that for many parents it is difficult to finalize these arrangements, and that some people put them off for years. Strangely, I have the exact opposite feeling about it. I want everything set and ready as soon as possible. I believe that my anxiety to finalize her headstone and have it placed on her grave has a lot to do with the uncertainty of our future. This year Jeff and I will both be finishing our degrees and looking for jobs, and it is possible that this search will take us away from Evanston, which has been a good place to call home (it would rank even higher except for the horrible winters). But leaving this area would also mean moving farther away from Leah’s grave. I’m not sure how I feel about that because I’m not sure how I feel about her grave. We haven’t been back since the funeral, so I don’t know yet if being there will be helpful to my grieving and healing or not.
As I walked to the post office with the papers, I just kept thinking "I am going to mail instructions for my daughter’s headstone...this is so unreal." I never imagined this happening to us, and part of me still finds the whole experience unbelievable. Grief is a strange place to live.
I have read that for many parents it is difficult to finalize these arrangements, and that some people put them off for years. Strangely, I have the exact opposite feeling about it. I want everything set and ready as soon as possible. I believe that my anxiety to finalize her headstone and have it placed on her grave has a lot to do with the uncertainty of our future. This year Jeff and I will both be finishing our degrees and looking for jobs, and it is possible that this search will take us away from Evanston, which has been a good place to call home (it would rank even higher except for the horrible winters). But leaving this area would also mean moving farther away from Leah’s grave. I’m not sure how I feel about that because I’m not sure how I feel about her grave. We haven’t been back since the funeral, so I don’t know yet if being there will be helpful to my grieving and healing or not.
As I walked to the post office with the papers, I just kept thinking "I am going to mail instructions for my daughter’s headstone...this is so unreal." I never imagined this happening to us, and part of me still finds the whole experience unbelievable. Grief is a strange place to live.
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