I am dreading Christmas Eve. It marks one year and six months from Leah's birth and death. Milestone days are often still very hard for me, I'm just too busy now to pay attention to them.
Thanksgiving was rough. Oddly enough the actual day went well, but the few days before were hard. Finding balance while chasing and caring for a very active little boy can be difficult, and when I have to choose between time for personal hygiene, and personal reflection I always go with the former. Thus, every once in a while I get hit by a big wave of missing Leah, accompanied by the usual exhaustion, weepiness, and now, smothering of poor Tommy in kisses when he just wants to play.
The problem is, people you really love aren't replaceable. Having Tommy wiped away our sadness about not having any children, but it can't erase the sadness we feel over losing our specific child. That still stings. I imagine it always will.
This year, as we celebrate for the first time with our boy, we will still be missing our girl.
Thanksgiving was rough. Oddly enough the actual day went well, but the few days before were hard. Finding balance while chasing and caring for a very active little boy can be difficult, and when I have to choose between time for personal hygiene, and personal reflection I always go with the former. Thus, every once in a while I get hit by a big wave of missing Leah, accompanied by the usual exhaustion, weepiness, and now, smothering of poor Tommy in kisses when he just wants to play.
The problem is, people you really love aren't replaceable. Having Tommy wiped away our sadness about not having any children, but it can't erase the sadness we feel over losing our specific child. That still stings. I imagine it always will.
This year, as we celebrate for the first time with our boy, we will still be missing our girl.
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4 comments:
Sorry friend! I understand in a way...i never got to hold mine like you did yours as mine were earlier but I did lose four and there are different times around the year that are sad because it makes me think about how old they would be turning and such! Hugs!
Praising God for your sweet boy this Christmas but also praying for comfort and peace when missing your sweet girl!
Praying for your sweet family!
love you. Mom
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