Four weeks ago we held a service for Leah graveside. We asked our dear friend Melody Vogel to share something about Leah at her memorial service. She had stayed with us while we waited at the hospital, made food and coffee runs for everyone, coordinated update emails, and just plain made our lives easier. Leah was blessed to be held and loved by Melody during her short life.
June, 28, 2008
Dear Leah,
I have been waiting for you for a long time. When I found out you were coming I was so excited! Well, first I had to call and confirm that the pregnancy announcement wasn’t some sort of joke. Only your parents would choose April Fool’s Day to announce to the world that they are expecting. I immediately went into baby mode; thinking of names, buying funny baby gifts and pestering your parents with all sorts of questions. I was counting the days until I would meet you!
When we found out that you were sick, I have to admit, I stopped thinking about you. All I could think about was your Mom and Dad and how mad I was that God would let this happen to them. I sat with them that first night, praying silently because every time I opened my mouth I just began to cry. Your Mom and Dad were so amazingly faithful in the way that they loved you. They protected you when doctor’s thought it was hopeless; they fought for you when others didn’t understand.
I have to admit that, at times, I didn’t understand. I prayed for your life because I knew that it meant so much to your parents, but I didn’t really believe that a life of a few minutes could really change anything. Oh how wrong I was Leah!
The day before you were born was tough. We didn’t know what to say or how to react. It felt like we would be waiting forever. I went home that night and prayed that God would keep you safe but the only thing on my mind was letting the pain end for your parents. Once again, I didn’t take you into account.
The next morning I woke up without an alarm clock, with a smile on my face. If you had more time to get to know me you would understand that that is a miracle in itself! I got to the hospital and felt so joyful. I was kind of embarrassed because it seemed so inappropriate. As your Mom & Dad, Grandma’s Mary and Jane, your Uncle Bill and I sat in the hospital we were so nervous. We all passed the time chatting, waiting and watching season two of The Office, very fitting for a little girl who was destined to have such a great sense of humor. We waited, and waited and waited; the all of the sudden, it was time! We left the room and within 15 minutes you were here!
I waited anxiously outside the room to meet you. What would it be like? Would it be sad? What would I say? Every ounce of fear I had went away as soon as the door was opened. Before I could even see inside I heard your Mom say, “Melody, come and meet our daughter!” There was no sadness in her voice, no hint of worry; only love.
When I walked into the room I saw my friends Jeff and Amy, but they looked so different, suddenly they were parents. Your Mom was holding you and whispering beautiful things into your precious little ears. She told you how much she loved you, she said she was so proud that you had fought to be born alive and she marveled at how perfect you were. Your Dad, always the strong silent type, didn’t say much, but he couldn’t take his eyes off you. Even later, as we all had the chance to hold you, he kept a careful watch to be sure that each of us held you just the right way and were careful of your fragile little head. He was such a good daddy protecting his daughter.
The room was quiet. You were so small it felt like talking too loud might accidentally hurt you somehow. But the room was also joyful! We just stared at your tiny feet and hands, thanking God for them. We told you how beautiful you were and none of us could get enough of your soft little cheeks. We had all been so worried about what this moment would be like, but it was pure celebration over the life we were watching you live. We laughed at how you had the tenacity of your Mom, holding onto your life so fiercely. Your Dad and Uncle Bill talked about how you had the heart of your grandfather.
Your Dad gave you the sweetest bath that has ever been given. We teased him as he took his time gently washing every inch of you. And while it may have been a longer bath than usual, we reassured him that he should spend all of the time he wanted gently preparing you to be dressed. He put on your little shirt, which went far past your toes. He wrapped you in the blankets that your Mom had sewn. Earlier in the day we had talked about how soft the inside of the blanket was, but it was no match for the smoothness of your little arms and legs! Oh little Leah, there was never a second in this life when you weren’t loved and adored.
Today we are grieving over what could have been. We are mourning the loss of first words, school plays, heartbreaks, family vacations and finding out all of the little things that make you, you. You would have been funny and kind. You would be a great cook and have the coolest music collection on the block. You probably would have been smarter than me by the time you hit kindergarten. This is why we are crying today Leah.
But you have given me the gift of the joy of your birth. There were so many times when I forgot to think of you, but I promise that will never happen again. You are the only person I know whose entire life, from conception to death has been an act of worship. Every second of your existence has brought glory to God. Meeting you has been the most sacred experience of my life, Leah. I have been to many church services and looked for God in all sorts of places, but I have never seen him as clearly as I did in your face. Even the hospital staff could see that your birth was special.
Thank you so much Leah! Thank you for being strong enough to turn my friends into parents for 40 glorious minutes. I promise that I will do my best to help them as we give God the time and space to heal us. I will tell your future siblings how amazing you were and encourage them to live joyfully. I will pray for them, even if I don’t understand how God is working in their lives. You have taught me that every life is precious to God, no matter how fragile or how short. On a day when I thought I would be filled with sadness and questioning, your presence caused me to say again and again, “Thank You.” And for that, I thank you.
All of My Love,
Melody
I have been waiting for you for a long time. When I found out you were coming I was so excited! Well, first I had to call and confirm that the pregnancy announcement wasn’t some sort of joke. Only your parents would choose April Fool’s Day to announce to the world that they are expecting. I immediately went into baby mode; thinking of names, buying funny baby gifts and pestering your parents with all sorts of questions. I was counting the days until I would meet you!
When we found out that you were sick, I have to admit, I stopped thinking about you. All I could think about was your Mom and Dad and how mad I was that God would let this happen to them. I sat with them that first night, praying silently because every time I opened my mouth I just began to cry. Your Mom and Dad were so amazingly faithful in the way that they loved you. They protected you when doctor’s thought it was hopeless; they fought for you when others didn’t understand.
I have to admit that, at times, I didn’t understand. I prayed for your life because I knew that it meant so much to your parents, but I didn’t really believe that a life of a few minutes could really change anything. Oh how wrong I was Leah!
The day before you were born was tough. We didn’t know what to say or how to react. It felt like we would be waiting forever. I went home that night and prayed that God would keep you safe but the only thing on my mind was letting the pain end for your parents. Once again, I didn’t take you into account.
The next morning I woke up without an alarm clock, with a smile on my face. If you had more time to get to know me you would understand that that is a miracle in itself! I got to the hospital and felt so joyful. I was kind of embarrassed because it seemed so inappropriate. As your Mom & Dad, Grandma’s Mary and Jane, your Uncle Bill and I sat in the hospital we were so nervous. We all passed the time chatting, waiting and watching season two of The Office, very fitting for a little girl who was destined to have such a great sense of humor. We waited, and waited and waited; the all of the sudden, it was time! We left the room and within 15 minutes you were here!
I waited anxiously outside the room to meet you. What would it be like? Would it be sad? What would I say? Every ounce of fear I had went away as soon as the door was opened. Before I could even see inside I heard your Mom say, “Melody, come and meet our daughter!” There was no sadness in her voice, no hint of worry; only love.
When I walked into the room I saw my friends Jeff and Amy, but they looked so different, suddenly they were parents. Your Mom was holding you and whispering beautiful things into your precious little ears. She told you how much she loved you, she said she was so proud that you had fought to be born alive and she marveled at how perfect you were. Your Dad, always the strong silent type, didn’t say much, but he couldn’t take his eyes off you. Even later, as we all had the chance to hold you, he kept a careful watch to be sure that each of us held you just the right way and were careful of your fragile little head. He was such a good daddy protecting his daughter.
The room was quiet. You were so small it felt like talking too loud might accidentally hurt you somehow. But the room was also joyful! We just stared at your tiny feet and hands, thanking God for them. We told you how beautiful you were and none of us could get enough of your soft little cheeks. We had all been so worried about what this moment would be like, but it was pure celebration over the life we were watching you live. We laughed at how you had the tenacity of your Mom, holding onto your life so fiercely. Your Dad and Uncle Bill talked about how you had the heart of your grandfather.
Your Dad gave you the sweetest bath that has ever been given. We teased him as he took his time gently washing every inch of you. And while it may have been a longer bath than usual, we reassured him that he should spend all of the time he wanted gently preparing you to be dressed. He put on your little shirt, which went far past your toes. He wrapped you in the blankets that your Mom had sewn. Earlier in the day we had talked about how soft the inside of the blanket was, but it was no match for the smoothness of your little arms and legs! Oh little Leah, there was never a second in this life when you weren’t loved and adored.
Today we are grieving over what could have been. We are mourning the loss of first words, school plays, heartbreaks, family vacations and finding out all of the little things that make you, you. You would have been funny and kind. You would be a great cook and have the coolest music collection on the block. You probably would have been smarter than me by the time you hit kindergarten. This is why we are crying today Leah.
But you have given me the gift of the joy of your birth. There were so many times when I forgot to think of you, but I promise that will never happen again. You are the only person I know whose entire life, from conception to death has been an act of worship. Every second of your existence has brought glory to God. Meeting you has been the most sacred experience of my life, Leah. I have been to many church services and looked for God in all sorts of places, but I have never seen him as clearly as I did in your face. Even the hospital staff could see that your birth was special.
Thank you so much Leah! Thank you for being strong enough to turn my friends into parents for 40 glorious minutes. I promise that I will do my best to help them as we give God the time and space to heal us. I will tell your future siblings how amazing you were and encourage them to live joyfully. I will pray for them, even if I don’t understand how God is working in their lives. You have taught me that every life is precious to God, no matter how fragile or how short. On a day when I thought I would be filled with sadness and questioning, your presence caused me to say again and again, “Thank You.” And for that, I thank you.
All of My Love,
Melody
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1 comment:
What a lovely letter. Thank you for sharing such a special and heart rendering time with everyone. We love you guys so much and I look forward to meeting Leah someday in heaven.
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